Saturday, July 27, 2013

The Undead are, Surprisingly, Good Peeps ...

Having just returned from the Crappy Little Trailer in the Spooky Forest to the Gothic Mansion, civilization and the internet, the insomniac  is finally getting around to writing about last week's Zombie Survival Race in Cochrane. The sister-in-law had arrived from Israel earlier that week and was invited along, little realizing the somewhat underhanded purpose for said invite was to provide the insomniac  with her own personal meat-shield.

Devious or not, it seemed a foolproof plan. But after looking closely at the SIL and questioning why a Zombie would choose to run down a tall, slender quick-footed woman without an ounce of excess flesh as its prey over the insomniac - a short, pudgy treat with bad knees and plenty of extra meat on her bones, she started doubting the plan's effectiveness. Eventually concluding that Zombies are less interested in human flesh and more interested in large brains, she decided the plan was, indeed, foolproof.

She's not nearly as frightened as she should be.

Considering her situation, and all ...

The day was hot and almost cloudless; we arrived promptly at 10:00 a.m. in an attempt to avoid the high temperatures forecast for later. Even at that early hour, parking was already at a premium. There was a nice mix of Zombies, Runners and Spectators that day ... surely it was the thrill of seeing the Undead at such close range that lured people in such large numbers.

A few of the Zombies required chains,
for the protection of the spectators.
But they were treated humanely and given water.

Even a Zombie needs to stay hydrated ...

Looks like somebody indulged in a few too many
brains the night before ...

Or she has heat stroke. Hard to say.

It's NEVER too early to start training the offspring
how to prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse ...

Ooooh look, Daddy!
It's a Zombie!

Pick me up! Pick me up!
It's a Zombie!

The Rocking Dead runners ...

Rock on soon-to-become-Zombies dudes and dudettes.
Rock on.

This group were both Spectators AND Zombies.

It's good to mix it up a little. Keeps everyone on their toes ...

He's with the military.
This is their new uniform.

No word of a lie.

This chap was an enigma.
Neither a Zombie nor Daniel Boone reincarnated.

Or was  he?

 Doin' it Gangnam Style ...

Exhausted from
doin' it Gangnam Style ...

The Horde, patiently waiting for the first of the runners
to make it to the pen after their 5 km run ...

Note the look of eager anticipation on this Zombie's face,
as she tries to capture the runner's strategically placed “life” ...

This dramatic video taken by runner TheJuicefoLife, captures the terrifying experience of trying to outrun the Zombies ...

After watching the race for a while, we headed to the food trucks. Trying to make a good impression on the sister-in-law, the insomniac  refrained from having the southern fried chicken on a waffle topped with bacon and maple syrup, and finishing it all off with a massive selection of sugary goodness from The Sugar Cube. Because if the SIL hadn't been there, you know that's exactly how it would have gone down.

A mobile candy vendor?
Does it get any better than that?

Look at those sugar-fueled smiles ...

Instead, we went to Avatara and indulged in some very healthy and extremely tasty fire-roasted organic felafel chips with hummus - which went down very well with a cold beer, and didn't contribute to the accumulation of any extra meat on the insomniac's  already well-stocked bones. Always a bonus ...

Avatara is a mere stone's throw away from the Gothic Mansion.

The insomniac  already knows the menu by heart ...

Obviously, the high point of any beer garden is the beer. Village Brewery  was in attendance with their mobile unit - the insomniac  tried Blacksmith - a sturdy, hand-forged India black ale, while the sister-in-law ordered Wit - an unfiltered wheat ale in the Belgian tradition. The entire collection of Village beer is available at the Sobey's Liquor Store in Cochrane, making it very convenient to stop on the way out of Calgary before heading to the Crappy Little Trailer in the Spooky Forest and grab a case or two. Possibly three.

The sister-in-law was the very first person in line for a cold beer.
Don't let her try to convince you otherwise.

The insomniac  never lies ...

They look like they could use a drink ...

Serving and protecting.

And drinking some beers ...

In spite of the blistering heat, it was an awesome event. And although there were a few comments from the Runners that the Zombies were too aggressive, there were an equal number of comments from the Zombies that the Runners were too aggressive.

The only complaint the insomniac  had was that EVERY table in the beer garden needed an umbrella. If she'd been smarter and hit the beer garden at 11:00 a.m. instead of waiting until noon, they might have gotten a shaded table and been able to stay long enough to enjoy a sample of each style of beer. Of course, the sister-in-law thought it a little chilly compared to back home, and was very glad she'd worn a long-sleeved shirt.

And by the time we left the event to head back to the trailer, the insomniac  had already decided that construction of a very high barricade to keep out the Undead Horde wasn't really necessary; right up until the spouse pointed out the large deposit left by the grizzly that had wandered up the road a mere 10 feet from his chair the night before. So the barricade isn't totally off the table yet ...

Maybe it is Zombie Scat. Again, hard to say.

Until next time, the insomniac  wishes you nights of blissful sleep filled with pleasant dreams. Goodnight, my pretties.


PostScript: Unfortunately, none of the Zombie-related stock the insomniac  ordered to sell at the event arrived in time. It's now in the Attic filed under Giftware. Because Zombie-related stuff obviously makes for a lovely gift, right?


  1. Amazing and fun running event! I have seen disco running events and this one over where you live. I wish there was something fun like that arranged here :)

    1. It was a really fun event, linnea-maria, and even moreso because the insomniac  didn't actually have to run but merely check out all the food and beverage choices!

      You could come here for the Zombie Run and the insomniac  could go over there to visit your Medieval Faire! :D

  2. Zombie 5k??? Excellent idea!!! Looks like a total blast!

    Grizzly poop? Not so much.

    1. It was fun, Tilda, especially the people watching. Always entertaining while drinking a brewski. ;o)

      As you say, though. Grizzly poop - not quite so entertaining. :P

  3. Wow, I love that the zombies were chasing the poor tired out long distance runners! I always think these runs look awesome and have been invited to several but ALWAYS punk out because of my fear that a REAL zombie apocalypse will coincidentally happen on the same day and no one will realise because of the zombie march. I am NOT even joking.

    Also did I spend WAY too much time trying to work out what that bear had been eating from it's poo?

    1. Why would you joke about something as serious as the Zombie Apocalypse, Laura? That's serious stuff!! Oh dear, now next year the insomniac  will be worried about having too many beers and not being able to tell the difference between the Zombie Run and the Real Thing!

      You're in good company! The insomniac  spent a good half-hour checking out the spouse's grizzly poop photo looking for curly sheep's wool ... from the two sheep he ate at the farm up the road, poor things. He was caught the next day though; spent the night in the Fish & Wildlife lockup and they relocated him to somewhere more remote the following day. Thank goodness!

  4. HAHAHA! There really is no substitute for poo when it comes to delivering a great conclusion to a post! ;) Looks like a zombierrific day was had by all!

    1. LOL, a fitting END-ing, so to speak ... Ewwwww, that one stunk didn't it, Little Gothic Horrors? ;o)

  5. Oh my, the little baby is just too cute. I would save her from a zombie any day!

    I approve of the new canadian military outfit. xD Seems very comfortable and..airy!?

    I love this event, wish i had been there ^^

    1. Isn't she a sweetheart, Lesthi? Almost makes one yearn for grandbabies. Almost. ;o)

      He was such a funny guy ... when asked if he cared whether the insomniac  mentioned he was with the military, he said, “I'm wearing a dress. Does it look like I care?” LOL

  6. Haha, what an outing!
    Like Lesthi stated - the Canadian Military rocks! ;)
    Though I totally forgot about the zombies as soon as you started talking about all the delicious food and beer.... *Drooool*

    1. The Canadian military does rock, Ms. Misantropia! And the horned helmet is a brilliant touch!!

      You were absolutely right about the biggest downside of living in the country is only being able to have one beer, though. Also - really regretting not trying the southern fried chicken on a waffle. A lot. :D

  7. Haha... it's looks so funny!!!

    1. There were some excellent costumes there that day, Madame Kismet. Everybody was very creative! :D

  8. Woohoo, awesome event, it looks like so much fun! ^^

    What did that bear eat? o.O Well, nevermind, maybe it's better to reman unknown...:P

    1. It was a great time, Lynoire! Next year, hittin' the beer garden at 11:00 a.m. so we get a shaded table though!

      Well, it looks like some nuts and some berries with seeds ... thankfully, no undigested human body parts. **shudder** ;o)

  9. Wow! It looks like a good time was had by all! Aggressive zombies and aggressive runners? Maybe both parties should have been thrown into the mosh pit. Surely, they could work out their aggressions there. And your breweries have mobile units? I seriously doubt that would ever happen here.

    Also, do you know who provided the music on the video? It sounded pretty good to me; at least the heavier part did.

    1. It was pretty hilarious, Nightwind! There were a lot of comments on the Zombie Survivor FB page from both parties about over-zealousness. Still, for a first-time event it seemed very well organized, IMHO. The mobile brewery seems to attend a lot of events here in Calgary. It's a cool idea and works well with the food trucks!

      Have left a comment on the YouTube page asking what the music is ... if he answers, the insomniac  will be sure to let you know. It was pretty cool music, wasn't it? It really added to the ambiance! :D

    2. Nightwind, just found out the music is called “In the House, In a Heartbeat” by John Murphy ... :o)

  10. That looked like fun! Being chased by zombies :D ...guess I would change my attitude a bit if they were actual zombies!
    Oh, cold beer, best thing in this heat. :)
    I hope that bear keeps its' distance, that's what I've heard anyway, that they keep away from us humans if they can. ^^

    1. Absolutely right, Sandra - beer in the summer, wine and hard stuff in the winter to keep warm! ;o)

      The authorities caught the bear the next day and moved him to a more secluded area. But he probably won't be the last one. We've also heard they'd just as soon not run into us, almost as much as we'd rather not run into them! LOL

  11. Ok number one, since when did booze become available in Canada outside of government liquor stores? Sobey's Booze Barn. I like the sound of that. Number two, your photos were spiffing and then ............. I'm well aware that bears shit in the woods (or anywhere else they please) but was not prepared for photographic evidence. Send up a flare before you do that again.

    It was very noble of you to forego fried chicken for falafel, which I'm sure is very nice, but probably doesn't go well with bacon and/or maple syrup. I'm going to have a mosey over to the event's FB page to see more. In the meantime remember, I don't have to outrun the zombies and bears, I just have to outrun you.

    P.S. how's Dave coming along?


    1. Wow, Ali - you have been away from Canada for a long time, haven't you? We can actually buy liquor in little stores outside the grocery stores now! We haven't quite progressed to the same level of sophistication as the States, where you can actually buy it IN the grocery store, but that's bound to be next!

      Really? After all this time you weren't prepared for that last picture? ;o)

      You call it noble - the insomniac  calls it a one of her poorer decisions. And no worries - it wouldn't be hard to outrun me. Had a difficult enough time going up and down those bleachers, let alone outrunning you OR a zombie! :D

      Dave hasn't even started. Don't get ME started. Winter's just around the corner, for pity's sakes. Pffft.

    2. You couldn't restrict the booze sales here in England if you wanted to. Its been going on for a thousand years. Apparently even the Normans were appalled at the amount of alcohol the Brits put back. I suppose it was only a matter of time before the Homeland caved to popular demand.

      Darling, things have been shit. I've trod in shit. I've been called one on numerous occasions. Photos of them are quite another matter. Mind you it does put paid to that stupid saying "does a bear shit in the woods".

      I'm sorry to hear Dave isn't moving along. Please tell me you aren't actually facing the Winter in that trailer? Have I missed something (it's been known to happen), is the Mansion sold?

      Please note change of address. Unfortunately, most of my friends are on Blogger and trying to comment with a WP blog has just been too hit or miss. Some of the catty enquiries I've been getting make me think I'm back in high school. An experience I don't care to repeat. Anywho, I imported the whole she-bang, including your wonderful comments here;

    3. Well, the Mansion hasn't sold, although it's been very slow for showings right up until last week. Apparently, that's normal for the summer. So who knows - maybe we'll still be here and we can just winterize the trailer until the new place is ready. Ugh. Again, things are just not going to plan. Well, maybe they're going to somebody's plan, but certainly not mine. My plan involved everything selling and being ready in a nice orderly fashion! How terribly optimistic was that, eh? LOL

      Such a lot of working having to move things back and forth between WP and Blogger! So we'll just add relocating to another platform to the list of things NOT to do when one is frustrated with Blogger. One shall re-follow you at the new address, Ali! :D

  12. You know, one can't but think that the phrase "It's never too early to start training the offspring
    how to prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse" might be fun to nestle somewhere unexpected in the next updated version of What To Expect When You're Expecting". Gauging one's reaction to it could really go a long way in sizing up their future parenting style! :)

    ♥ Jessica

    1. What an excellent idea, Jessica! Would you  like to get in touch with the authors of WTEWYE with that most excellent suggestion, or would you rather the insomniac  do it? LOL

  13. I'm saying yes to the high barricade XD That scat looks intimidating XD

    1. It is a rather large and ominous looking pile, isn't it, Margaret? ;o)