Saturday, January 20, 2018

Welcome Little Baby ... Bat

After many MANY years of hearing from both the offspring, “Neither of us have any intentions of making you a grandmother. We hate children. It's never gonna happen, so don't bother getting your hopes up.” can you even begin to imagine one's surprise and delight upon receiving the news that is exactly what she's going to become this spring.

As you can well imagine, upon hearing the glorious news there was a flurry of activity here in the Little Gothic Cottage. Knitting was started. Thrifting was begun. And the newly appointed grandma started digging through the bowels of the basement to find all those baby items she'd so diligently washed, mended, sorted into plastic bins for each of her offspring and lovingly packed away when we decided to move from the city. Just in case. Because she vaguely remembers saying to her own Sainted Mother many MANY years ago, “Neither of us have any intentions of making you a grandmother. We hate children. It's never gonna happen, so don't bother getting your hopes up.” And she stuck firmly to that belief right up until the age of thirty-three; whereupon she decided that IF she was ever going to have children she'd probably best start thinking about it soon and promptly conceived a few days later. So truthfully, it wasn't all that surprising to get the news from the youngest - plus she'd already dreamt about it two weeks previously anyway.

In between knitting baby blankets, the grandma-to-be also started Googling for suitable layette items ... vampire baby clothes, gothic baby toys, dark mori baby attire, etc. Have you ever Googled any of those phrases yourself? No? The insomniac's  the only one then? Well, believe her when she says the results are nothing short of extremely disappointing.

Oh to be sure, there were plenty of black onesies with skulls, but when exactly did skulls become so mainstream on baby clothing? As far as vampire baby attire ... who in their right mind wants to saddle a child (or her mother) with either of these? Distasteful, at best.

We all know it happens.
No need to advertise the fact.

Sorry. Not on this grandchild.

And should you Google the phrase dark mori baby clothing (go ahead - just try it) why, there isn't a single picture of even one baby in the resulting images. WTH Google?

No matter where one tried to display the thus far accumulated baby items in the LGC, it all looked so terribly bright. Cheery, even. More importantly, it just didn't fit with grandma's aesthetic. Obviously, something must be done.

Oh sure, it's all Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice,
but one has to wonder where are all the Snakes and Snails
and Puppy Dog Tails Eyes of Newt?

So, as per usual, the insomniac has decided her newest all-consuming obsession in life is to come up with some ideas for dressing her granddaughter in a suitably dark, and yet tasteful, manner. There's just nothing quite so exciting as an all-consuming obsession, is there?

After all, what are grandmothers for besides teaching their grandchild how to bake delightful cookies, introducing her to our immediate neighbours, showing her which log the Faeries live under, and pointing out which mushrooms to avoid in the Spooky Forest ... although one might err on the side of caution for the latter and simply tell the child ALL the mushrooms are poisonous and not to eat ANYTHING from the forest. Just in case.

Totally toxic. Or maybe not.

Erring on the side of caution is probably the wisest choice here,
considering one's ignorance on the subject of mushroom toxicity ...

A fairly frequent neighbour, whom we are always happy to see.

Unlike some.

Not just hazarding a guess that Faeries live here. They've been SEEN.

(Don't kid yourself. The insomniac  totally knows which
mushrooms in the forest are the good ones ...)

Although she was given free reign (sort of) by the youngest as to what she was okay with grandma making for the new babe and assured her mother she'd let her know when she'd “gone too far”, we're all very aware this grandma wouldn't know the meaning of the phrase until she'd gone waaaay past wherever that particular line is drawn. Likely she wouldn't figure it out until threatened with Supervised Visits or, worse still, greeted at the door by someone with a restraining order in their hands. (Which likely means a real crow's foot baby mobile is out of the question, right? Yeah, thought so. Just checking.)

One feels a mobile made from all these elements would be
nothing short of a best seller ... No?

This obsession also seems like it might prove to be an excellent source for new blogging material, plus will hopefully placate one's psychic. Every visit, she mentions the Spirit Guides are insisting the insomniac  write a book. Not to second-guess one's Spirit Guides or anything, but one feels that what they're actually insisting is that she resurrect this blog. Again - not to disrepect the SG's opinions, who are far more aware of what the insomniac  should be doing with her life than she - but the idea of a book seems almost ludicrous. Whatever would she write about ... how to perfect the ever-so-useful lost art of hand-feeding birds? How to bake cookies unfit for human consumption? How to decorate one's home in the oh-so-popular Witchy Gothic Dark Mori Cottage Style? How to design and sew clothes for baby vampires? Such a book - should it ever be written - would defy even the best efforts of any bookstore associate to determine what category it should be filed under. Should such a book ever be written.

But for the time being, until a suitable topic for said book presents itself, if you follow the insomniac  on Instagram she may occasionally post a picture of her latest “creation” bearing the single hashtag #hasgrandmagonetoofar. This is a signal for you, dear readers, to let her know (preferably before the package goes in the mail) whether or not the item in question should be sent and will hopefully save her from the embarrassment of that restraining order. And by the bye, how is it even possible that hashtag has never been used before? The insomniac's  the only one then? Typical.

Until next time, the insomniac  wishes you nights of blissful sleep filled with pleasant dreams ... unless you're a brand new mother, in which case prepare yourself for a lifetime of sleeplessness. How else did you think the insomniac became the insomniac? As they say, payback is a bitch.

Goodnight, my pretties.

IA

40 comments:

  1. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!! This is wonderful news. My first grandchild was such a gift and you will find yours to be as well. There is something about a grandchild's unconditional love.... And the spoiling and fun you will have!!!! I cannot wait to see your creations. We shall fall in love with the best-dressed little gothic imp!

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    1. Thank you, Debbi! I am absolutely thrilled and I just wish the grandbaby (and her mother) lived closer. However, as they also say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Too much of this grandma might be too much of a good thing. lol

      I have so many ideas of things I want to make for that baby, and so little time. Typical. πŸ–€

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  2. Congrats Lynne! I received the same news Christmas Eve. Will be my first Grandchild from my son. - Mark

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    1. Thank you, Mark! πŸ–€ I'm over the moon, as I really truly believed it wasn't ever gonna happen. Not that I've ever pressured - I'm not the one who'll be doing all the “heavy lifting” this time.

      Congratulations to you, too! How many is that altogether? Three?

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  3. Wow! Such tremendous news! As your fellow Mori magpie, let me help with the collection of shiny things for this wee one's nest! It'll be SUCH FUN ��

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    1. It is tremendous, isn't it? You can totally help me collect shiny things. The youngest will need a bigger house for all the things I plan to send along for that child. lol πŸ–€

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  4. Congratulations, welcome to the world of Grandparenting. And remember you CAN give them back.

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    1. Thank you so much, Alastair! πŸ–€

      I will give her back - I've no intentions of dealing with messy diapers and the like this go round. I'm just going to do all the enjoyable stuff. lol

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  5. You will be the BEST grandma EVER! Congrats to the happy parents and happy grandparents!

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    1. Well, I'm not sure I'll be the BEST, Debra but I'll likely be the most UNUSUAL grandma around.

      Thank you so much! πŸ–€

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  6. No one else has thought to use that hashtag? I'm shocked. Perhaps other grandmas believe that it's unbecoming to push the line. I'm with you on this one. Push away ... and enjoy the journey. Grandma is the BEST!!

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    1. Me too, Connie! I'm often surprised that some of the hashtags I enter on IG have never been used before. Hahahaha.

      I'm picturing little smocked dresses and fair isle sweaters (with a darker twist though) and teensy Doc Marten boots - my goodness, they even make those in infant sizes! This is going to be so much fun. πŸ–€

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  7. Oh, congratulations!!! This is wonderful news for you!

    I am glad you are blogging again...I've missed it.

    BTW, I found some clothes for you. I googled dark mori INFANT attire

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    1. It is wonderful news, Mea ... we are thrilled! Just changing that one word makes such a difference in the results, doesn't it? lol

      I'm not going to go so far as to say I'm blogging again ... we shall see! Although this is the first post I've written in a while that I didn't struggle with and that's a good sign, I think. But how sweet of you to comment! πŸ–€

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  8. You so should do the Decor book!!! and I can see a hole range of hand knitted 2-piece outfits...dress with matching Caped cardigan :D XXX

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    1. ...and stripey leggings...always stripey leggings! XXX

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    2. A decor book would be very cool! I suppose one day the Spirit Guides will just smack me upside the head and TELL me what I'm supposed to write about. Maybe a dark fairy tale with knitted characters. lol

      Stripey leggings and caped cardigans - what an excellent idea! There are just so many possibilities aren't there, Gina! πŸ–€

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  9. Well congratulations! How exciting is that? A little one on the way. I think your calling should not be to write a book but instead to design a line of dark mori baby clothing. I can see your tasteful but dark offerings in my mind. Classy but with a touch of the macabre. Nothing like that awful onesies above regarding breastfeeding. Anyhow - I am super excited for you and look forward to your Grandma enthusiasm spilling over into attic.

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    1. Thank you, lady M! πŸ–€ I'm much more comfortable with your idea of designing a Dark Mori line of baby clothing (maybe even matching mother/daughter outfits - now that's a scary idea!) than with writing a book.

      I will try to write about other things too though - I do understand nobody really follows me to see pictures of baby clothes. lol

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  10. Wow! You're going to be a grandma! Congratulations, Insomniac! I was a bit concerned that you might get too dark with the clothing for the little baby bat, but apparently, you and your daughter have that worked out. Truth be told, I really do like the idea of vampire baby clothes.

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    1. Thank you, Nightwind! πŸ–€ Pretty darn excited, and not just because I'm getting rid of boxes of baby stuff out of the bowels of the basement. lol

      I've actually found some fabric with little vampires on it that I (personally) think would be just perfect. Maybe I'll wait until she's a bit older though. PS the Xmas cake was just 'meh' this year so I opted not to send any along - save you the hassle of having to throw it out. Haha.

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    2. Oh no! No Xmas cake? But I've been fasting all this time in anticipation! Actually, it's not a problem. I appreciate the thought though.

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  11. CONGRATULATIONS and I'm so Delighted for you! As for Grandmas going too far... well, I'm NOT the one to ask for sure, I'm quite certain I'm gone too far almost all of the time... which is not such a Bad thing so Go For It I say!

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    1. Thank you, Dawn! πŸ–€ And I think you're the best grandma - taking the Princess for henna is like the coolest grandma/granddaughter outing ever! Although I laughed at her somewhat bored expression as she seemed unable to tear her eyes away from her phone while her picture was being taken. Been there, done that. lol

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  12. Push, Posh! #hasgrandmagonetoofar will never happen! We Must be memorable! Dam It!
    I love hearin " Gracie is dressed like Nana! My son has said " are baby clothes suppose to be black? My reply " Are son's to cheek their Moms?" I grin and flit away!
    Congratulations Indeed! Joy, Health & Happiness by the bushel full for all!
    I do love " the payback!" I flite off giggling!
    xoxoDebi

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    1. Oh, I have a feeling I might be crossing the #hasgrandmagonetoofar line a lot. But you're right - we should be memorable! Just think of the stories our granddaughters will have!!!

      I hope you told your son that only the best dressed babies wear black (after you told him sons shouldn't talk back to their mums). Thank you so much for your best wishes, Debi! πŸ–€

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  13. Congratulations!

    And yes, the second onesie in particular is a bit... disturbing. And I never use that word lightly.

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    1. Oh, and I would probably read every single one of those books.

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    2. Thank you! Exciting times to be sure. πŸ–€

      Tacky beyond belief, Magaly ... I thought it might be just my age talking - I was born in practically the Victorian era, after all. lol And I think you might be the only one who'd shell out hard-earned money to read it/them, so thank you for that. πŸ–€

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  14. WAHOO! Oh boy, oh boy!!! A little one .... a munchkin ... and you, a Grandmama!!! SQUEE! And don't forget, all the fun baby/kid clothes that come out around Halloween! Batty leggings, cute monster tops, etc. You'll be in heaven!!! Congrats, Grams. Sending all my love to you and your youngest.

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    1. I know, Franny! I'm so excited!!! All those things I always wanted to make for the offspring when they were younger and never had time to do; now I have just SCADS of free time available to get myself into trouble. lol

      As much as I dislike going into the city anymore, I think October will be my month to hit the malls for all the cute baby stuff! Thank you so much for your love and good wishes. πŸ–€

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  15. Lovely news, congratulations, you'll make a brilliant grandma. Have you looked on Pinterest? There are some great ideas for Gothic cots and nursery stuff, just think of all the blankets and accessories you could make. I loved the bat shaped shawl/blanket I saw. Not everything Gothic has to be black, it's a style not just a colour. I'm also already looking forward to your book coming out so please get writing it. :)

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    1. Thank you so much, Jane! πŸ–€ I'm not sure about brilliant, but I will certainly do my best.

      And no, I never even thought of searching Pinterest but I will head over there right now. I've actually bought a few black baby clothes from the thrift store and found I don't care much for them ... I've always loved little smocked dresses and fair isle cardigans. We'll see what kind of damage I can do with that. ;)

      Some day I might come up with an idea for what to write about and then I'm sure everything will fall into place, just as it does with blog posts. Right now though, nothing I've come up with seems like anything anyone would want to read. But thank you for the vote of confidence! lol

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  16. Oh, lovely, congratulations!

    ...and I think a real crow's foot baby mobile is just fine...;)

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    1. Thank you, Lynoire! πŸ–€

      Oh well then - since two of us feel it’s alright, I’m gonna go for it! lol

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  17. Yay for "all-consuming obsession"!!! ❤ Finally getting around to reading this post! Heartfelt congratulations to you and all your family, Lynne! I'm SO happy for you!

    On top of the usual hectic state of affairs in my neck of the woods, I've been taking care of my son the past couple of weeks because he had to go into hospital to have four impacted wisdom teeth removed. Four! We don't do anything by halves around here. *sigh* ;) Anyhoo, as a result, I'm a little late to the party regarding your impending grandma status, but completely thrilled for you now that I'm up to speed! I apologize for the tardiness. ❤

    I think it's utterly cool that your hashtags and google searches sometimes turn out to be lone wolves! I can't wait to see the "dark mori baby" theme evolve! You're an awesome original! And quite possibly about to set a new trend in baby wear. xo

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    1. Yes, new obsessions keep me going, Emma! Whatever would I do if I didn't have something new and exciting to look forward to every year. ;)

      Oh no, wisdom teeth are the worst! I waited until my 40's to do that - it's good James had them out now when he's young and recovery is much faster. Shame they had to be impacted though - I'm sure that made everything even more painful! I hope he's starting to feel better, and now you can relax a bit.

      Please don't worry about arriving late either. Just look how long it took me to answer, and I have absolutely no excuse other than I'm getting terribly forgetful in my dotage! πŸ–€

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    2. P.S. Thank you for the good wishes ON THE NEW GRANDCHILD! Squeee! πŸ–€

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  18. congratulations to you and your family.
    Looking forward to seeing all the awesome dark gifties you will make for her.

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    1. Thank you so much, Incipient Wings! The months are flying by - spring and the new babe will be here before we know it! πŸ–€

      Are you over on Instagram? It might be the only place I post the gifties, given that I've become so lazy about blogging and reading other blogs, although I'm heading over to yours right now BEFORE I forget!!!

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