Tuesday, January 21, 2020

Gryphons are our New Spirit Animal ...

Having decided on a topic for our first post after a lengthy blogging lapse, we settled down to the task of sorting through the 609 photos of our Czech trip last spring, which ended up consuming far more time than recovering a footstool would have - our other topic of choice. Obviously, we scrapped that idea like yesterday's garbage, to be revisited at some later date when we've more energy for sorting. Clearing out the basement (another potential topic) is currently exhausting all of our sorting energy at the moment. 

Yesterday - instead of trying to come up with something else to write about - was spent on eBay (as one is inclined to do when procrastinating hard) searching for things we're pretty sure need to come live with us in the Little Gothic Cottage. It being so barren-looking in here and all.

We are currently fixated on accumulating antique wool blankets. In theory, so we can finally recover that chaise in the sunroom everyone avoids like the plague when they come to visit, due to the very large piece of unpadded wood that runs down the centre and makes sitting on it beyond ...

... and this is apparently a thing, these days. One just says “beyond” and leaves the sentence hanging, instead of finishing it properly by saying “beyond uncomfortable” or whatever. We may have been watching a YouTube video of Paris Hilton teaching us how to cook lasagna (while simultaneously searching for antique wool blankets) when we discovered this disturbing trend. A video which was more than a little disturbing itself, and emphasizes just how bored we must have been to even have watched it in the first place.

A little ashamed about those precious minutes of wasted life that can never be recovered, actually. And as a special favour, we won't link that video so you don't have to suffer the same regrets we are now experiencing.

Two of the antique blankets scored over the holidays ...

... and the third, which looks so content on the floor of
the guest bedroom, it's staying there.

Unless we have actual guests.
Then it'll be stored under the bed so nobody can walk on it.

But this was to have been a post about Gryphons and Spirit Animals, not recovering a chaise. And how (once we realized there were no appealing antique wool blankets to be had on eBay and we were totes beyond with that video) we started searching for antique gryphons instead.

This familiar search started us questioning why we've always been obsessed with gryphons, having spent many decades on various online auction sites searching for a glimpse of these mythical creatures. Perhaps they're a Spirit Guide - a thought we promptly dismissed as ridiculous since Spirit Guides cannot be mythical creatures. Or so we thought. But - just to be sure of our facts - we Googled it and apparently were quite wrong. As we tend to be about so many things.

We suggest using the more archaic spelling of Gryphon, as the search “Griffin as your Spirit Animal” will likely bring up Peter Griffin in the results. And Griffon - more often than not - will produce the dog breed which, although less objectionable than the former, is still not quite what we're personally envisioning for our guide, which we'd prefer look more like these majestic beasts:

A protective and vigilant Spirit Guide.
Master of Astral Workings and
Guardian of the Soul and Life Essence.

Or so we've been told. By Google.

And less so like these specimens, currently available online:

This is not a Gryphon.

If memory serves, this would be a Cockatrice and
most definitely not our Spirit Animal.

These are also not Gryphons.

They do, however, appear to be Dr. Seuss'
Thing One and Thing Two ...

This is an actual Gryphon,
which - we believe - has been depicted here rearing back
in horror while exclaiming about the previous specimens:

“These are not my people! These are not my tribe!”

Further Google research on Gryphons as Guides (about three minutes' worth), uncovered an assortment of questionable information, the most obscure being this sequence of mystical words, which we are firmly convinced is an arcane and long-forgotten incantation, originally written centuries ago to entice one's guides into making a deep and meaningful connection with us:

“Griffin spirit animal meaning. Aveeno baby eczema. Honey stick vape pen ... Deniz balkan portal. Spirit meaning animal. Fallout new vegas.

After submitting an appeal for some Divine Assistance in our quest to further our knowledge of the spiritual mysteries, we found ourselves being gently steered in the direction of the following rituals. Rituals primarily centered around the accumulation of the many things we will need to acquire on eBay in order to properly honour our new Spirit Guide. Can you imagine our delight upon reading these words of esoteric wisdom?

  • THOU SHOULDST PURCHASE candles, incense, cones, oils, sprays, etc. scented with the scent, herb or foliage thy Guide is associated with.

  • THOU SHOULDST ALSO PURCHASE statuary, paintings, prints, textiles, etc. with the color, animal or foliage associated with thy Entity, and keep them in thine home where thy Entity canst see them.

  • Wonderful treats THOU WOULDST LIKELY NEED TO PURCHASE for thy Gryphon include money, coins, gemstones and precious metals.

We think you likely can. And if our intensive Google research suggests one must build a shrine to honour one's Spirit Guide, well then. Who are we to argue with such unknowable knowledge? Therefore, objects must be collected. Shrines must be built.

And please! Do share what objects you  feel compelled to collect, in the hope it might help us  feel slightly less guilty about our purchases, as the new Gryphon Shrine objet d'art start to make their appearance here in the cottage ... beginning almost immediately upon arrival of the Canada Pension Cheque in one's bank account on the 24th of this month, and continuing until the money either runs out or the spouse puts a stop to it. Whichever comes first.

Until next time, the insomniac  wishes you nights of blissful sleep filled with pleasant dreams. Goodnight, my pretties.